Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
