Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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