So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
