My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
