My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
