I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
