what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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