that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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