he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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