they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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