Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
