why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
