Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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