She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
