Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
