i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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