Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So here I am, sexting at work.
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