Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
