i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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