I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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