i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thus making me awesome and them whores
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
