Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
