I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
