I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
His nipple licking is glorious
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