Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize