You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
