I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize