i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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