What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize