He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
