so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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