His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
did i walk over a car last night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
