I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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