Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
