You're completely useless in the revolution.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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