Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
