somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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