I'm really into asian looking animals
After last night, I could never be a politician.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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