i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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