Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
