Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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