Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize