Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize