you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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