there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
