Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
