And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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