where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Four minutes until I can fart!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize