and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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