I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know her cup size but not her name....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
