if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
