Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
