I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
