Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
