but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How many fucks given?
0.12846
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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