Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
