Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
