Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
