I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
