im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
