Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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