Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
