just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
