so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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