alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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