he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
