im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
