wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
pray to the hookup gods
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
