I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
