i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize