dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
